Inspired by the Bridget Jones stories and seeking a new angle for a short story for my writing group, I updated Bridget. No longer is she obsessively dialling 1471 – oh no! Nowadays, she trawls internet dating sites, winking at those who are even remote possibilities as potential partners. My story is entitled ‘Bridget Jones OAP’. I had great fun writing it and many and varied people have laughed out loud on hearing it and I hope you will too.
Here is an extract – actually the first page. If you like what you read please follow my very new and as yet very amateur website.
Bridget Jones- OAP
Make very big decision to do internet dating. Very Best Friend recommends the Guardian site aptly entitled Soulmates where apparently you get a ‘nicer class of person’.
Right, I’m logged on. Deep breath as I search for my ideal man. Age – 58+ perhaps? I don’t want someone too young. Who wouldn’t love a toy boy but anyone younger and you do increase the geek/perv potential. Next question – how old? -65? That’s not too geriatric – should hopefully have all faculties, own teeth etc. may even be up for a bit of rumpy pumpy. Next, how far away should they live – 20 miles? Could be a bit limiting on the other hand 40 miles is a bit far. A girl does like to be spontaneous.
Ok submit – such bravery!
Messaged immediately – 63 men meet my criteria. Pour large glass of pinot grigot and settle down to explore said profiles. One claims he’s ‘orotund’ – what the fuck does that mean? Or is it merely a typo and he’s actually fat – looks pretty good in his photo but Very Best Friend tells me that men both lie and use out-of-date photos so who knows? Now he’s telling me he’s gonzo – am I missing something here? Decide not to add the Orotund Gonzo to my favourites.
Right, page 2 of 7. Some can’t spell. Shouldn’t be off-putting but it somehow is and I fight the urge to correct.
Shallow, me, never! Shakes head and continues to dismiss photos that don’t instantly appeal. Ah! here’s Mr Pink Shirt – collar up on a 60 year old man, I don’t think so. Large glug of pinot – still worrying about orotund so click online dictionary – orotund – pompous and bombastic – a joke perhaps or merely brutal honesty? I’m beginning to warm to this guy. Another slurp and click – I have declared him to be one of my favourites.
Some don’t include a photo. It could be they are just plain ugly or so I’m told (naturally be Very Best Friend) high profile men never put up a public photo – you apparently have to be invited to view once they’ve checked you out – huh!
Bit tiddly with all the wine – must go to bed